The Fiscal Cliff (of Love)

WOW... it's been MONTHS since I've blogged. Trust me, it's not because of a lack of things to write about. Quite the opposite, actually. There has been so much going on that every time I sat in front of my computer, I didn't even know where to start.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve.  I'm not shy about my feelings, or what I'm thinking. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with me. And while more often than not this is a great quality to have, when you wear your emotions like a fat girl wears skinny jeans, you're bound to bust the seams at some point.

This LOVELY character trait of mine completely blew up in my face recently and taught me a serious life lesson: It's not a bad idea to wear your heart on the inside every once in a while... because at least there, you can keep it safe.

Don't get me wrong... I still firmly believe that life is too short to not go after the things that you want, to take big risks and to lay your emotional deck of cards on the table. I believe in putting yourself out there because you'll never know if you don't try, right? But being this vulnerable comes at a price, and this time I paid a hefty fee that left my emotional bank account so overdrawn that I might just have to file for bankruptcy.

I can't help but ask myself, "When is enough enough? How do I know if I'm supposed to wait or move on? How do I know if it's worth it?" Then I realized that I was looking at it all wrong. Instead of wondering if IT'S worth it, I realized I need to recognize my OWN worth. And then I realized something even bigger: If someone can't recognize THAT, then they're not someone worth waiting around for. I'm standing at the edge of the Fiscal Cliff of Love and if I don't make some changes in how I'm budgeting my emotions now, I'm going to end up in a major recession.

Now the following may make me sound like.... well, let's just say it... it's going to make me sound like a cocky little bitch. But I'm gonna throw it out there, anyway!

I know damn well that in a world full of cubic zirconia, I'M A FUCKING DIAMOND and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone dull my shine. Sure... I "cost" a lot but you know what? I'm worth it. I'm just going to appreciate with time. I'm an investment worth making because having me on your arm makes you look good. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm far from it. But the way I see it, a diamond, even with all of its flaws, is still worth more than a perfect pebble.
 
So instead of waiting around for someone who just wants to barter with my heart, I'm going to wait for someone who knows its worth and is willing to pay full price. I don't deserve someone who's going to keep taking and taking from the Bank of Mars until I'm overdrawn and spent. I deserve someone who's going to leave my emotional bank account overflowing.

So here I am, taking the broken pieces of my heart that were ripped from my sleeve, mending it back together, and tucking it away in the safety deposit box for now. And who knows... maybe I'll find someone who's willing to break in, steal it, and make it sparkle like its meant to. 

live, laugh, love...
mars

Going Insane: Week 6.5

So, I'm a little late with my week 6 update... that's because it kicked my ass so hard that I could even type, I was so tired, sore and just plain ol' exhausted!


A few of my friends had warned me about month 2 of Insanity. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the hell that was to come. I have had my moments of hating Shaun T... but I have never hated him as much as I have hated him the past 10 days. Month 2 is why they named this program Insanity... the boy is fucking crazy. I don't know what kind of crack he was on when he developed this workout but he was on a good one. After the first day, I wanted to quit. But I was halfway through the program and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was gonna back down now.


And then, it happened....

I CRIED... 

...LIKE A BITCH.

I cannot believe I am even divulging this information to you all, that shit is embarrassing. But there I was, halfway through Max Interval Cardio Conditioning, in the midst of an In and Out Ab/Pushup Jack combo (if you don't know, you don't wanna know) and I started crying. 

Not a "single teardrop on the cheek" kind of cry. But a screaming out, tears streaming down my face, full-on ugly faced cry. All the while, I continued with my workout. That's right, I kept going! I screamed out a few choice words at my computer screen but then told myself to grow some balls, and somehow I pushed through those last 20 minutes and made it to the end.

That was a week ago, and I did Cardio Conditioning today and somehow, I got through it! A little over 2 weeks left in the program and my body is EXHAUSTED, but I'm not giving up now! I've made it too far, and I refuse to stop now. 

And for your enjoyment, here's a little Dane Cook for you, because yes... "I DID MY BEST!!!"

Going Insane: Week 5

Week 5 was all about "recovery". I put quotations around this word because the word "recovery" implies that I would be getting a break from these gnarly workouts. Needless to say, that's a big fat NO! The recovery workouts were definitely easier, but it was no picnic either!

I reached Day 30 feeling a little blue, because the scale has NOT budged these past 2 weeks. I was only down 3 lbs from my Day 1 weight. I was dreading taking my Day 30 picture but I knew I had to do it... and I'm super glad I did! When I looked at the Day 1 and Day 30 pictures side-by-side, there was a VERY noticeable difference in how my body looked, and it totally got me motivated again! I was really surprised. I mean, I noticed that my clothes fit a little better, but I didn't realize how much my body was changing, and it had only been a month. Sorry, I'm not posting ANY progress pictures until Day 60 so you'll have to wait in suspense until then!

I also did a little "recovery" in Las Vegas this past weekend for a girlfriend's bachelorette party (more on THAT hot mess later!) and I managed to come home and not gain any weight! WIN!!!! Now, I'm back home and it's back to the grind. I've been DREADING starting Max Interval Training for Month 2. That shit looks unreal, I'm scurred!!!! But, it has to happen. I stayed in bed an extra hour and a half this morning, just because I knew once I woke up, I'd have to workout. That's why I'm blogging right now, too! Anything to put it off! But, I took my pre-workout crack drink so I'm going to have to work out, otherwise I'll be crawling out of my skin. Wish me luck as I enter Month 2. Here's a little motivation for you:

 

live, laugh, love...

 mars

Going Insane: Week 4

First month of Insanity is in the books! I CANNOT believe I have followed this program for an entire month. That in itself is insanity!

This last week was really hard to get through. I was extremely tired, lazy and was lack motivation. My workouts seemed harder to get through than usual. It wasn't even that I was out of breath or "sleepy" tired, but I was so exhausted that my body just felt like lead. But I did it anyway!

I stepped on the scale at the end of week 4 and was a little disappointed, because I didn't lose any weight this week. BUT, on the bright side, my clothes are fitting much better and are significantly more loose. Everything except for my jeans! The waist is loose but the leg/booty areas are a bit tighter but that's plyometrics for you! All those power squats are resulting in some serious leg muscles and I'm not gonna lie... my booty is looking quite bootylicious! *cue Ginuwine's "In Those Jeans"*

Next week is recovery, which I was excited about until my friend told me that it is, in no way, a "week off" like I was hoping. Truthfully, I'm losing steam, but I'm just about halfway through the challenge and I REFUSE to give up now! I've been needing some extra motivation lately, and found a few of these on Pinterest, maybe they'll help motivate you, too! Have a happy AND healthy week, friends!

live, laugh, love...
mars

Going Insane: Week 3

Another week down in the books!

This week started off feeling a little bit easier... until I had to work 3 nights in a row. Now usually, when I work a 3 in a row, I just work and sleep for 3 days straight. And the few hours I am awake, I'm so exhausted, I usually can't do more than watch tv, read or drag my ass off the couch to pick up something through the drive through.

This was the first 3 in a row I had scheduled since starting Insanity and it was ROUGH! I tend to have more energy right after work as opposed to after sleeping, so I decided to work out as soon as I got home from work, so I could crash afterwards. By the end of my third shift, I could barely move my body, I was so spent. I can't believe I actually followed through with it and I REALLY can't believe I haven't missed a workout since I started!

I forgot to do my weekly weigh-in yesterday, as I was rushing out the door to meet some of my co-workers for breakfast. But, I have noticed my clothes do fit a little bit better and my midsection appears to be tightening up (wishful thinking, maybe??), which is WAY more important to me than any number on the scale. A few people commented to me this past week that I looked as if I had lost some weight, so that was a nice ego boost!

Whenever I need a boost, I run over to Reasons To Be Fit and get motivated. This one really hit home for me, I even made it my computer wallpaper to remind me how far I've come. On to week 4!

 

 

 

TRUE. STORY. 

 live, laugh, love...
mars